Intended for audiences between 13 and 18
The purpose of this piece is to observe someone and form a story or make conclusions based on what is seen on the outside from a third person point of view.
Taylor is sitting rigidly on the edge of her chair, concentrated. She is looking down at her work , eyebrows furrowed like she is trying to figure something out. There is a book in front of her an it is written in french. The girl next to her seems to be talking as if she is explaining something to Taylor. Taylor smiles timidly then starts to write the answer in her book. She is being tutored after school at Cosburn middle school and doesn't seem to sad about it. She seems eager to learn and willing to listen. Her positive attitude radiates from her and makes her look intelligent.
She looks very timid and her black shirt makes her look very thin , almost fragile. She is about 4 feet tall and very slender. Her skin tight jeans reach her ankles and give the illusion that she is a little taller. Te pink scarf tied loosely around her neck, gives her outfit an extra umphand adds character to it. A big clip on the right side of her short hair is attempting to hold back her bangs but they still seem to cover one of her eyes. She is wearing funky purple rimmed glasses which imply that she likes to be a little different. the glasses give her a lot of personality.
She is furiously writing away at her book as if she is Einstein who just figured out how to solve a math problem. She looks up once she is done and the helping friend beside her smiles as if proud to have taught something to little Taylor.
The teacher then indicates that t is time to wrap it up and Taylor closes her books. She is beaming and looks as if she has accomplished something. She packs up her binder and puts in order in her yellow bag. She looks organized and ready to take on anything ahead of her.
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A delightful look into this character.
ReplyDeleteSome writing observations:
one concentrates, one does not "look concentrated"
"Her skin tight jeans are tight [redundant]until her ankles [wrong usage-should be "long" or "to her ankles"]
Who is the intended audience of this piece, and what is the intended message [purpose].
I enjoyed reading about Taylor. I like the fact that she shows that she is a little different like when you say,
ReplyDelete"She is wearing funky purple rimmed glasses which imply that she likes to be a little different".
I woud like to have funky purple glasses too!
Well done Adela.
thank you stephanie =D
ReplyDeleteMiss c i changed the "tight" to "reached her ankle" because i could not find what the types of jeans i was trying to name were called. :) hope it sounds a little less redundant =P
I really enjoyed reading about Taylor. It was especially interesting when you compared her to Einstein;
ReplyDelete"She is furiously writing away at her book as if she is Einstein who just figured out how to solve a math problem."
This passage give me a good visual of how she may have felt and looked at that moment.
Good Job:))
Emil took what i was going to say, i really liked how you compared her to Einstein i thought that was really cool. I also enjoyed the part were you described her clothes and when she was sitting at her desk.
ReplyDeletegood depth in describing her :)
I enjoyed your story of Taylor. I think you could have added a bit more detail on where she's from, where she is goin, for example; why does she need tutoring and what are her goals.
ReplyDelete