Reality

• This piece is intended for audiences between 20-80
• the purpose of this monologue is to explore the point of view of a character different from ourselves.

The music is almost too loud to hear myself think. I like the distraction. I need the distraction. Looking at the carousel spinning in circles reminds me of when I was younger. More carefree and genuinely happy. What happens to us ?

The bright colors are giving me a headache and spinning around in my head along with the images of my cheating wife. And now the rain, prickling my skin like a thousand needles. Anything to distract me. Anything to keep me here a little longer.

I look around me and ironically, behind me, a happy couple is holding hands and smiling. I wish I could tell them the truth about happiness. Betrayal. Companionship. Liars. That’s what everyone is. You cant trust anyone. But they are too young and naïve to know what I am saying. Who would believe a random stranger on the streets.

I think I’m losing it.

I need to get out of here because this isn’t distracting me anymore. Too many happy , oblivious people are making me sick. The more I see them , the more I think of her. Who I was and who she turned me into.

I’m a mess.

I despise myself.

Oh I despise myself so much. She didn’t deserve me but now what ? I need to think of the consequences before I make a move. Before I take another step I need to think of what could happen. I need to weigh my options. I need to stop and think before I take another step because my feet have taken me back to the scene of the crime and his car is still parked outside. And my heart is beating.Beating.BEATING.

Thump.thump.thump.

Thump,thump,thump.

Thumpthumpthump

THUPTHUMPTHUMP.

I can’t stop it and I don’t want it. I see red and I’m not sure what to do except for make a list. A list of things I should do, can do and shouldn’t do. Let’s see, I could kill him. I still have the scissors in my hand that I grabbed before I left. I could barge in there , look at him and stab him. But is it really him I should stab ? No. Her. I would stab her. Over and over again. Make her feel the pain I am feeling now. Do to her what she has been doing to me for 8 years. Take away her life like she took mine.

STOP!

What am I doing?

I don’t need a list. The last thing I need is a list. I need to think clearly. I need to turn around. I need to go home. My real home. I need to buy a plane ticket to Arizona and be around the people that love me.